A look into the kindness of many Chinese and how it’s different from everything we know as Westerners.

I had just arrived at the bus station in Nanjing after a 5-hour ride from Huangshan. I found the subway entrance, quickly mapping out where I needed to go, a habit at this point. I got on, transferred lines, and exited the station onto the street, closely following the directions to my hostel. I found it and was about to walk in the door, when a Chinese girl passed me. She saw my backpack and told me there was live music playing at the bar next door if I wanted to stop by. It was 10pm and I was a bit tired from the journey, but if living in China has taught me one thing, it’s to say yes to anything and everything.

I dropped off my things and wandered into the bar. I was alarmed to find only 10 people listening to an acoustic guitarist in a tiny venue. But alright, I could dig it. I sat down at the bar and ordered a warm drink of whiskey, lemon, sugar, and hot water.

Next to me sat a Chinese man. He was a bit older, maybe in his late 30s or early 40s. He had a warm look in his eyes and a gentle voice, and I knew we’d get along. He spoke great English, so we striked up conversation and spent awhile talking about our travels. He had been to the U.S. for business and a few other occasions, making his way to most of the east coast, west coast, Chicago, Texas, Kansas, and Detroit. He talked about the times he spent couchsurfing and all the wonderful Americans who’d showed him around and made his time there incredible.

And then, he offered to buy me a drink. I politely declined–as an American 20-something female, it’s ingrained in our minds that when a man offers to buy you a drink, he always has an ulterior motive. Although I was enjoying his company, I didn’t want to give him the wrong idea.

But then, he said to me: “Americans showed me incredible hospitality while I was there, and I could never thank them enough. But I think this is a good way to start. Please, can I buy you a drink?”

This man wasn’t trying to hit on me. Not even close. He was simply being genuinely nice and grateful for the way Americans had treated him. And, he was paying it forward. What a fantastic thing to drink to.

So we continued drinking and talking about China’s distinct culture, guns in America (oddly one of the most reoccurring conversations I have with non-Americans), and the differences between our two countries. He went on to talk about his wife and his female friend across the room who had dragged him to the bar. Not only was this man buying me drinks as a simple nice gesture, but he had a wife of his own. Not just a girlfriend–a wife. My initial assumptions couldn’t have been more wrong.

And this hasn’t been the only time my Western thinking has been tested. As a foreign female traveling alone in China, people talk to you pretty regularly because you’re a traveling alone, a female, and you’re a foreigner (a triple-whammy of fascination among many Chinese people). Chinese men often strike up a conversation, and I find myself raising a little red flag when they ask me if I have a boyfriend within the first five minutes of the conversation. But then, I remember, Chinese people rarely have boundaries, and asking a stranger personal questions is quite normal.

These situations aren’t limited to only Chinese people, either. Yesterday, I spent some time hanging out at a museum with three guys from Nepal and Sierre Leone. My Western instinct was to be cautious when they came up to me, but five minutes into our conversation, I realized they were simply trying to get to know me. The Nepalese man offered to email me information on places to visit in Nepal, since he was raised in Kathmandu and had recently in the military at a post near the gorgeous Annapurna region. In America, a guy would typically say that just to get your contact information and further pursue you. Instead, I’m now receiving emails with pictures of the beautiful Himalayas.

In our Western world, we’re raised on this ideology: don’t talk to strangers. I remember my mom telling me those exact words when I took the bus to school on my first day of kindergarten. We have a preconceived notion that when a stranger starts talking to us, his or her intentions are bad.  When I travel alone, I’m especially warned of this.

But 98% of the time, it simply isn’t the case. Caution should always be exercised in the form of common sense, but it’s okay to take a leap of faith. When a stranger talks to us, we should all start off assuming that his or her intentions are good. As soon as we do this, we can immediately open up the door for great conversation, hilarious interactions, epic stories, and wonderful cross-cultural friendships.

At the end of the night, the married man and I parted ways. I encouraged him to come visit America again soon so we could show him more of our country, and he encouraged me to do the same in China. “I would love nothing more,” I said.