Since it’s officially past my 3-month mark of living in China, I’ve found myself reflecting on my memories and experiences while studying abroad. Most of my blog posts (okay, all of them) talk about how cool Beijing is or how many amazing sights there are in China. However, this one will be a bit different. Sightseeing and seeking out Chinese culture is fantastic, but that’s not really where my most vivid memories come from.

The bottom line: life in China is hilarious. I don’t know how to describe it any other way. It’s so different from the U.S., so things just happen to you and make you start to laugh uncontrollably. Thus, I’ve begun typing up a list of my most bizarre encounters here so I can remember them and share the laughs with the rest of the world.

I don’t want to make this a mile-long blog post, so I’m going to separate these stories into different posts and will hopefully finish them by the time I head home. Some occurrences are explained in pictures, others through both long and short passages alike. A side note: some of the dialogue in these events was entirely in Chinese. My Chinese is at a kindergarten level, I’d say (one year of studying back in the U.S.), so I was just lucky enough to happen to know the exact vocabulary that was used in each situation. Regardless, these moments are one of the most fulfilling parts about knowing pieces of the language. Let the stories begin!

Stories from China

• Every day when I come home from school, I see a security guard sitting in an office by the entrance to my apartment. One day, I saw a kitten in his office. Naturally, I needed to play with it. I went in, said hello, asked if the cat was his, and started playing with it. (In Chinese) “Yes, it’s my cat. Do you want it? Let me give it to you!” I say no, saying I cannot accept his generous offer. He asks why not, asking me again and again to take his cat. I respectfully say no and head up to my apartment. This event repeats daily. Don’t be surprised if I write a blog post next week about my new cat.
• In Shanghai, the “Paris of China,” I was walking down Nanjing Road, a massive shopping street crowded with mostly Chinese tourists (seen in the picture above). As I was walking through the crowds, I saw a mother kneeling and weirdly holding her baby. Then, I watched (okay, gawked) as the baby pooped in the middle of the street.
• Last week, I was in Beijing exploring the famous Temple of Heaven with a friend. We went up to a Chinese woman and asked her to take a picture of us in front of the temple. Afterwards, the woman handed me back my camera, and a Chinese man ran up to us and asked us to take a picture of him. He then gave his camera to the Chinese woman and put his arms around us. “Of course he wanted us to take a picture with him, not of him” my friend said. Oh, the amount of pictures I’ve taken with random Chinese people.

• One day, as I was casually riding past a KFC on my way to class, I saw a few Chinese men kneeling and rebuilding the pathway that led into KFC. I looked right behind them and saw a man (or woman) dressed in a full-body bear costume, head and all. He just stood there, not advertising anything, just overseeing the construction project. I regret not taking a picture.
• In China, English teachers are in high-demand. So one day, when waiting for the subway, a Chinese man came up to me and asked me if I wanted to teach English at his company. I said I didn’t have time since I’m already teaching a student, but he handed me his business card anyways (in spite of the qualifications that I may or may not have). The same day, I had my first 2-hour English lesson with a 7th grade boy. “Teach him whatever you want!” the lady told me. Panicking over what to do with a disinterested 12-year-old for two hours, we ended up talking for the entire time about a robot zombie’s evil plan to take over the world and what role the 7th grader would play in its takeover. It was all in English, and it was awesome.

• This isn’t really a story, but I recently discovered that there’s a park in Beijing that offers outdoor laser tag, fit with camouflage clothes and some sort of Communist propaganda. I know what I’m doing next weekend…….
• I was sitting on the subway when a Chinese woman and her 4 or 5-year-old daughter sat down next to me. The daughter stared at me for 20-ish seconds (a normal thing). Then, she looked up at her mom and told her in Chinese: “Mom, my teacher says that Japan is the worst country and America is the second worst country.” The mom responded with “I know, daughter, I know.” I immediately burst out laughing.
• On the day of one of my midterm exams, I woke up early to do some final studying and make sure I arrived to the test on time. While still in my apartment, I went to use the bathroom. Somehow, while I was using it, the doorknob broke and trapped me in the bathroom. 30 minutes and many freeing attempts/through-the-door messages later, a random Chinese man freed me with a kitchen knife.

My Chinese Basketball Team

As my last excerpt in this post, this one deserves its own section. Joining a basketball team in China is one of the greatest decisions I have ever made. The team I joined is specifically for students in the School of Economics and Management at Tsinghua, and we play games against the other departments (Environmental Sciences, Automotives, etc). At the SEM program orientation in September, they had us fill out forms where we signaled interest in various sports teams. I wrote down that I was 6 feet tall and interested in basketball, kind of as a joke, but I was contacted very quickly and asked to join the team. At 6’0″, I tower over all of the girls, with the next tallest girl on my team standing at 5’8″.

(PSA: I am by no means a basketball star. I played on my high school’s varsity team and play occasionally for fun back at my home university, but that’s about it.)

Since October, I’ve helped the team compete in 5 games, and we ended up getting 4th place in the Tsinghua Girl’s Basketball tournament. GO TEAM! Here are some of my favorite memories from our month-long season:

• At the first practice, I walk in and all the girls are staring, gasping, and whispering to each other. We do a few layup shooting drills, and every time I score in the drill, they all clap, cheer, and say “Hao qiu!” (“good play” in Chinese). I am the only person they do this for.
• At the second practice, we start out with a fast break drill. I run the length of the court and shoot a layup. The coach tells me that I am incredibly fast and assigns me the duty of being the fast-breaker in all games. Back on my high school team in America, Honey Boo Boo would become the president before that happened.
• In the middle of the season, I pulled a hamstring pretty badly and was bruised and limping for a little over a week. The coach and captain of the team were incredibly nice to me, as they picked me up on a mo-ped and took me to the Chinese doctor where I was prescribed 3 different Chinese medications. They tell me not to worry, for they’ll make sure that our next game is postponed until I get better.

• One of my favorite girls on the team is Hong (in the picture above). Hong means red in Chinese, and Hong always wears red outfits complete with a red scarf, red coat, and red sweatpants. Not sure if it’s coincidental, but she’s awesome. Every time she sees me, she greets me with a huge smile, a loud “HELLO!!!” and a giant hug.
• In one of our last games, I miss two layups back-to-back in the beginning of the game. At the timeout, the coach asks me if everything is okay and if my hand is injured.
• Timeouts are one of my favorite moments in our games. The girls are all able to speak English, but their skill levels range from very minimal to conversational. So, naturally, all coach talks and conversations are in Chinese. During timeouts, our coach goes on a long rant in Chinese. I hear a few words here and there, but generally have no idea what’s going on. In the middle of the talk, he’ll point to me, say “you, go middle,” and continue on with the Chinese coaching. Chinese people in the audience laugh at the situation, and I usually do too. Most of the time, the coach says “weishenme ni bu gei ta,” somewhere along the lines of “why didn’t you give her the ball.” Then there’s a lot of pointing fingers in my direction and some more words with the occasional yell. My most useful phrase in China is “Jia you!” which means “Come on, let’s do it!”

• Sometimes, I get double-teamed, which is fun. Other times, the coach tells me to bring the ball up the court and be the point guard, which is just plain hilarious.
• Most of the time, I’m guarded by girls that are very physical and grabby. Their definition of “guarding me” is holding on to my shirt and sometimes thrusting at me with their elbows. Sometimes I get very angry and feisty, and other times I just laugh, depending on my mood.

Regardless, the girls on my basketball team are some of the greatest people I’ve met all semester. They’re always so grateful that I’m taking the time to play with them, and they greet me at every practice and game with a big hello and an even bigger smile. Not only are they kind and athletic, but they’re also brilliant. Some of them are 1 of only 10 or so students in their province (34 total in China) to be accepted at Tsinghua university. If you ever study abroad, join a student organization–it makes your experience so much richer. I’m also in the process of joining the swim team because I loved this experience so much, so stay tuned for updates from the Tsinghua pool!